Just follow the signs. What signs?
I can’t write any more. I started this blog because I wanted to get back to writing only to realise that there is nothing to write about. And when I do. Its filled with self-pity and spiralling misery.
And so I spend some time posting random pictures. I don’t know why. I feel nothing by doing so. But I just feel the need to fill up this space after staring at a blank compose box for so long.
There was a time I could put pen to paper, write my heart and beyond out and feel better. Feel as if I have shed a load which was pulling me down, leaving me lighter and my head with a great deal of clarity. And every piece had to end on a positive note.
Every attempt to write now has tears for company. And this feeling that I am going down into gravity enriched nothingness. Nothing. That’s what I have been feeling for several months. I find it awkwardly difficult to emote. To anyone, to anything. I try. But I can’t. I feel nothing but that nothingness pulling me in, reaching its arms out as far as it can and wrapping itself around me.
I can’t remember the last time I laughed. Laughed from the heart. Laughed without care and that certain lightness.
I will fly too someday.
Girl flying a kite in India
Walk down this path with me
Autumn in Germany
Holiday wishlist (2) — lovely mix of culture, nature, food, and the most perfect blue waters [Greece]
Infinity pool in Singapore
I am in this zone right now. In which I don’t do anything, where nothing matters, I feel like I have given up on every thing. And I am a traveller. Watching trains go by. Not getting on to any. But just watching them go by. I note the destinations. But I do not budge. I see fellow travellers but I do not join them. I feel bounded to my spot. Tightly. I struggle. But only internally. My breathing becomes agitated. But there is no physical struggle..not even a flinch. Not even the batting of an eyelid. I look on with an expression-less countenance.
I don’t know what I am doing. I seem to be waiting. Waiting for an intervention. For someone to pick me up and throw me in to the right train. At the right time, I hope..
If there was a picture of me I could paint right now I wonder what it would look like. It would have the soulful gray of the Arabian sea to show the pain I so carefully hide from the world, the wild white plumage of waves crashing against the shore painting the seemingly constant battle I fight in my head, a dash of piquant red to show that I am alive, and a fiery orange with burning ambition….all cascading into my world of ever changing tints and textures.
So how many proverbs could you find?
Bruegel’s Proverbs painting
I love floating lanterns. They are a mesmerising sight.
Elephant festival in Jaipur